This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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