Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
