we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
