So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
