the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
