I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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