During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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