So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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