I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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