U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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