i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
