Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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