I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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