so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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