Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
