The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
