If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sarcasm needs its own font
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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