so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
