Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
