mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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