Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
wow bdsm is so cute
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