What did we do last night that was yellow?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
