I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
