Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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