This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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