So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
