She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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