Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
