I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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