i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
