You're my little dorito
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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