I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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