I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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