Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
did i walk over a car last night?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
