small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
