I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
