i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
