I skipped work to stalk him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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