Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
