i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
