Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
