I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
