Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
