Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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