...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
