im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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