took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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