So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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