i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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