wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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