smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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