I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
