so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
