I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She's JV to your varsity
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
