I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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