It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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